Fall is change

So, fall is here. It is time for a change, leaves are changing, the hot weather is leaving, the cool is coming in. Christmas is only 65days away!!!! I am really excited about Christmas this year, I've already started listening to Christmas music! My birthday is in a few days and I am kind of excited, I am currently struggling with a lot of things but God is helping me through them.

My birthdad wants to re-meet me on my birthday, this will be the first time he and I have seen each other since I was 9. I am kind of at a loss at this, I mean, I do want to meet him to tell him that I forgive him for all the wrong that he did in my life but on the other hand, I don't want to get too close as then I could have my heart broken again. As most of the people who would read this blog knows, I am adopted so, I have talked with my parents about this subject extensively and they are okay with it.

Lately, I've been keeping myself a lot cleaner, my room is staying cleaner, my car, my clothes I wear are nice, I've even bought several pairs of decent clothes. I want to start a new personna, one that says, "Jesse is a new man", I've even thought about starting to go by Matthew so I could lie my childish ways aside and start a whole new character.

Porn is a big struggle in my life currently, I have talked with my pastors about this, one of them gave me a book to read and is going to start talking to me about this every couple of weeks, also, they have hired a counselor for me to see once a week, every week for the next 8 weeks, that starts tomorrow. I am kind of scared of that and kind of excited in getting this stuff out in the open to finally get rid of baggage.

I've screwed up many times in my life, I've made several mistakes recently and lost some friends who I thought would become really good friends in the future. Their is this one friend specifically that I lost, where I posted some stuff on Facebook that I should not have and she got really upset with me,I deserved it though. She was exactly right, if I could go back and change that I would but I can not. I kinda screwed up on that one...

Hey! I have made some true friends now!!! All my life, I've wanted to hang out with folks and I forced myself on them to hang with them, now I have friends who call me and text me to see if I will hang out! It's really nice. :) Not only are these friends real friends but they are Godly friends, the kind of people who wants God's will over their own. Each one of the folks I am referring to serve at the same church I go to ( Rivertown Community Church ) (RCC) and they serve frequently and happily! I can't wait to see where God leads these friendships to down the road, it's actually very exciting to me!

My pastor and his wife's 29th wedding anniversary was yesterday. (Sunday), so they told the sermon yesterday together. In the last week or so, they sent out a couple of e-mails to tell us not to miss it that it would be really good, I wasn't going to miss it anyhow, I hate missing church. So, I got their and it was a decent sermon a lot of good tips for the future... then it hit me HARD!!!! I am a moralist Christ follower, a rule keeping Christ follower! I need to love Jesus because He is Jesus! I need to quit worrying about keeping every rule and moral and just love Jesus! I need to love Him because He first loved me! I need to know true love- one-sided love! Jesus' love is one-sided then through that, I can learn to love back.

Now, I am going to passionately pursue falling in love with Jesus, so much so that I will experience His love, that I will be able to give away one sided love to all others. That is my commitment! Also, the friends that I have, I will actively pursue making those relationships better so those days in my future when I feel like I can't go any further, those friends will spur me on to love!

My families 10th birthday :)

I am going to start this note back in 2000. On Jan. 9 2000 my life got a brand new blessing, I was touched and amazed by a pair of twins that got named Rebekah and Randall! Six weeks later my life got burned and shattered to the ground, I was an emotional wreck, The day was Feb 21st 2000, a day I doubt I ever forget, I can recount the minutes it seems, it was after school, we all got home on our normal time. We live in a mobile home park, it was a white mobile home with 2  brown stripes at the bottom of it, about 5 mobile homes back from the road. I came inside the house, and I ate some fried chicken that my ( at that time) grandma had made us. Then my siblings and I went to the Nintendo and we started playing sonice the hedgehog, but I usually just had to watch because their were only two remotes and I had 3 older siblings. After we got home, maybe 30 minutes later, a sheriff deputy pulled up in the yard, and he said " I am just here clocking speeds on vehicles" so we're all like eh, okay if he says so...

Well, after about another 30minutes or so, a bunch of cars started showing up in front of our yard. They barged in the home, as if they owned it, ( I did not know what was going on, just that I was scared, I mean, I was only 8!), so, I see them loading up all of us kids, so I start fighting them, kicking, screaming, yelling, cussing... FINALLY, I get free! I start high tailing it out of there to a friends house, little did I know that the deputy was actually there to keep an eye on the situation. So, I start running, and as soon as I get 30 feet from the home, that deputy has caught me and has me on the ground, so I did the only thing I knew to do, I bit him and started running again, so he catches me again, this time he pins me to the ground. STUCK :(. So, they load all of us kids off and take us to HRS ( AKA DCF). Once we got to our destination, they spend the rest of the night trying to find homes for us to live in ( stupid government, you'd think they would have thought of this already and had the situation taken care of! The government still sucks equally today) and they bought us McDonalds happy meals, that made me call down... I loved McDonalds ( that is also why I weighed WAY to much) . So, finally they get us placed that night and we are all placed in new and un familiar homes and territories having no idea why! So, after many many hrs in the waiting room, I finally got placed and got somewhere and A bed. I fell asleep late that night crying.

So, moving forward a year. In maybe May of 2001, my birth mom had another child her name was Selena, the system let her keep that child under stipulations that she get her act together AND she sign us over that she no longer wanted parental rights. So, she did. When I got this news, I was heart broken and devastated, I cried for who knows how long. A couple of months later, this wonderful family ( which I will leave out their names because I do not want anyone to think ill of them, they are really great folks! ) sawa picture of us and got first dibs on us kids, they took many of us into their homes immediantly, we soon became part of the family, we had Christmas together in 2001, and we just had SO MUCH fun they were so great! Then circumstances came up which made it seem impossible to adopt us to them, so they let us go. It was to bad to because as a child I was very fragile ( still am) this hurt worst then my birth mom letting us go because with these wonderful folks, I was finally learning what love really meant.

Now, I am jumping to August 30th 2002, another family supposedly wanted us kids, this time I was so screwed up, I did not want to listen to anyone or be with a supposed family, I just wanted my siblings and anything to be with them I'd do.It was a Friday afternoon, when Kathy Donofro dropped me off at the Tyus' house, I had met them once already and had had a really good time, we made pizza that day. It was so yummy and we made it from scratch ( how cool is that!!! I thought....)!! So, Brandon and I moved in that day, Sierra, Beki, and Randall already lived with these people... and Juan moved in the following week. Then through a matter of jumping through a bunch of hoops and things, Erika and Loren moved in late Oct. The Tyus' asked us many many many times, if we actually in fact wanted to be adopted,  I really DID NOT want to be, my family did though and I wanted so so badly to be with them that it over weighed the option of getting heart broken again. Anyone, who is over and is mentally capable can choose for themselves if they want to be adopted or not, nder 12 and you have NO say so. Yet, the Tyus' let us choose for ourselves. I was 11, Erika 9 ( she turned 10 the day after the adoption), and Sierra 8 at the time but they made sure it is what we wanted.

Dec 20 2002, the day, is finally here! I am so nervous, these people I barely know are going to be my next parents, I don't know them very well. I do know they are really nice though, they are not rich, but obviously willing to give up a lot for us, still, I don't like it. We get to the courthouse and many of our old case workers from HRS are there, this makes me way more comfortable! So, the papers get signed, and we are ready to go after a bunch of pictures and chit chat. Then as we are headed of the courthouse, we see our (old) aunt Deloris, we are SO happy to see her, we start screaming and getting giddy, our parents immediantly tell us to get into the vehicle, to which we oblige. Then, they are running after us and many of our new family get in the way as do the case workers. Deloris, "those are our kids"
My grandfather, ( Paw-Paw/ Ralph) "Not anymore you all let them go"
Deloris "They were our kids first"
Paw-Paw " They are mine now and you are letting them go" ( PawPaw got very feisty and upset and for anyone who knows my grand dad that is NOT like him, he may act like it but he almost never is)

After this, we head home and a new chapter in our lives begin, we are a brand new born family and we have a LOT of learning to do about the other people.


My oldest sister Kyndel is married ( she was an original Tyus) to Phillip Wynn, who is perfect for her, they have an awesome little boy whose name is Ethan I love him to death!
My oldest brother Ryan is now a manager at a Distribution center for Family Dollar Corp. ( he was an original Tyus)

Brandon, is now married as well, he married Melissa Clubb, they have a daughter whose name is Destiny, that little girl is almost 9 months old and she is has most of us wrapped around her little finger. She is spoiled rotten and I love her to death!

Juan, Sierra, Loren and I are all moved out, none of us are wedded. We all live together and it gets quite annoying at times!
Erika, was originally moved in with us as well, but recently decided to start traveling another road, and it is her life so she did.

Beki and Randall, they are 12 now, and they are absolutely amazing! I would do anything for those two munchkins!

Me, I am the only one of us who is in not married but is in a relationship, I am dating Esther Klumpenhouwer, we will be meeting next month! It is long distance as she lives in Canada. If it is God's will, I will be marrying this woman, she is everything I have ever wanted and so much more.

Yesterday, Dec 20 2012 was the 10 yr mark of this momentous occasion in my life, and looking back over the last 10 yrs I would not change them for anything! This is my 10 yr review of my family I don't know how I would live life without any of these folks they may be goobers at times and I may want to kill them, but I would kill for them at anytime.

My burn

So, when I was 5ish, I was in the yard with my birth mom and a couple of the kids and I were making several fire and our birth mom was getting old limbs out of the HUGE oak tree in the yard. So, I put tissue in the middle of the fire so as to start another fire where we had already piled limbs at. This young I did not know the hot coals would light the paper on fire. I could not reach the fire in

the middle, so I got Loren (then Lorenza) to hold a bucket while I was in it but I still could not reach the fire. I told Loren to let go of the bucket she did not want to but did AFTER I CONFIRMED to her that I was actually going to keep myself level. I did not stay level and I fell in to which I had to then crawl out of. So I crawled right leg and hand then left leg and hand then right leg and hand. My right side is way more burned then my left because of that. My right still has scars that I will have forever but my left is completely cleared up.

Workaholic?!

So, I am now working two jobs. I am always exhausted but I can not seem to fall asleep until like midnight everynight! It is so frustrating, I was working like 75+hrs a week for a few months, now I am working only 65ish so that is a lil. better! I need the money and with God's help, I will survive this temp. trial in my life until I can save up enough to go down to one job. Hopefully, I will find a really good job with good pay soon then I wil go to one job. I need a house, car, and several things before I start to think about slowing down. I want to be completely set and settled down before I quit working like this. I do not like it but it is what it is.

Busy, Busy, Busy

On Oct. 19th around 12:30 A.M. I became an uncle to Ethan Crisstopher Wynn. He was born a week late with a concussion and blood bleeding to the brain and full body paralysis. Over the next three weeks he was diagnosed with Pneumonia, the flu, spinal infection, brain damage, congestive heart failure, blood clots, and so many other things I can not begin to describe. When he was first born they said he would never be able to open his eyes or move Two or three days later he opened his eyes next day he was moving his hands two miracles! He came home on Nov.12th after a week of them saying you should be able to go home tomorrows.

On Thurs. the 17th of November my brother and I went to play basketball in this town 30-40miles away at a church. I ALWAYS bring my laptop with me no matter where I go (out of habit). My sister asked me on this day if I would leave it. At first I said; "NO". Then after further debate with myself I was like (to myself) eh, I will not be using it or needing it at basketball so I will leave it with my sister just this once. So, we went and played for 4 hrs. then I come home and my sister had accidentally spilled Kool-Aid all over it by accident of course. It was FRIED. Fortunately, I had bought a $179 2 year plan for my computer when I bought it through Best-Buy back in May so the Next Day Friday the18th I brought it back. They sent it to Louisville Ky. who just received it the following Friday and they sent it back three weeks later.

I had an old laptop about a year old that had a broke screen that I hooked up to a monitor and it was working for a few minutes then some virus that had laid dormant in it since I had turned it off in May took over. So, I had to send that one to my bro-in-law (computer geek) to fix. Then I found my brothers OLD (made in 2000 or so) laptop that had been turned off since May of last year who he got at that time from some friends of ours they got rid of it because it also had a broke screen. I then used my brother Juans Laptop that was made in like '99 and it was old and SLOW but it worked for like 5days. Then it gave me the blue screen of death :/. I was really frustrated by then but I started going to the library when it was possible and was ok.

My Thanksgiving was excellent, I had supper with my immediate family Sunday evening, mom's family Wednesday evening and dad's family Thursday evening. I made a German Chocolate cake on Sunday it was a success. I was going to make one Wednesday and Thursday. but mom told me not to on Wednesday so I made another one on Thursday it was EXCELLENT ( I do not eat them but everybody fell in love with it ;) ). I had a blast chilling with my family and eating the best food in the world ( SOUTHERN! ).

That is just a general synopsis of the last few weeks or so. If you have any questions or would like to know anything (especially about Ethan) about the last few weeks just ask I will tell.

Much love and prayers from you brother in Christ,

Jesse Tyus

Life

So, as a kid I was a BAD ONE going to peoples houses knocking on doors running away, vandalizing, throwing rocks through windows of houses that kind of stuff NOT COOL. This note is going to go into some of that.

Okay, when I was born I was born into the worst home imaginable. Born in the slums of Tampa Fl. As young as three I remember BM (Biological Mom I am just going to say BM for short) would be partying and getting drunk always having bad checks and crack all different kind of things. One night I remember Gma (she was always ith us to take care of us) had sent everyone to bed when BM was "out". I could barely see over the window sill I was supposed to be in bed but I hid and stayed up. BM came home very late. I was so scared! I loved BM she was my mommy.....

Anyhow when I was in kindergarten we moved to Ponce De Leon Fl. this is where I joined my first "gang" we would go out and destroy things like cars,windows, anything small enough that we could do it as young kids. I remember one night in late October right before Halloween we went down the block it was cold and dreery the leaves were on the ground and we were all wanting to get into trouble. So went got some crap (where it came from and what kind I do not know) put it in a bag and lit it on fire in front of someones door.

When I got to foster care in 2000 I quickly realized NOONE in this world cared not wanted me it was all me and me only. If I wanted something it was me me me me me. Since noone cared for me I did what I wanted when I wanted. Why bother and try to be better when all I was in EVERYONES eyes was trash. I lived up to my name well.

When I was in 4rd grade (at this time I was in "Foster care") I was part of a different "gang" in Bonifay Fl. This time we didn't care at all what we did we were mean to littler kids and did what we could to just be mischievious. Once I beat up a teacher her name was Mrs.Ester (as a 10 y/o) she was being "mean" so I literally got my fist out and left bruises, bite marks and claw marks. They called the cops..... I got arrested that day. The cops came and not only handcuffed me but also they leg cuffed me as well. When I got arrested I was crying on the inside noone could tell it though I refused to show them how scared I was. I was a MAN I was not going to show emotion by crying like a GIRL. Well they finger printed me and a few hrs later I was back at my Foster home. I was still mean and mischievious after that day. If it had not been for my parents adopting me in '02 I would still be that way today. I would be "Seth" off the movie Courageous.

Sloppyness in life, Sloppyness in LIFE

So for the last few months I haven't cleaned my room, so as you guys can imagine it was a bit of a mess (to say the least).As you guys well know if we do not keep it clean and constantly do maintenance to our rooms they will become a stinky nasty disgusting mess. Same with our spiritual life if we do not keep it cleaned, daily maintenance and searching through the Word it will become gross. I am in the process of cleaning my room and I am also currently (always in the process will not succeed 'till heaven, then I wonder if we will) in the process of cleaning my spiritual life. So tomorrow I finish my room and all the maintenance and I am hitting the "BOOK" hard :).