Sloppyness in life, Sloppyness in LIFE

So for the last few months I haven't cleaned my room, so as you guys can imagine it was a bit of a mess (to say the least).As you guys well know if we do not keep it clean and constantly do maintenance to our rooms they will become a stinky nasty disgusting mess. Same with our spiritual life if we do not keep it cleaned, daily maintenance and searching through the Word it will become gross. I am in the process of cleaning my room and I am also currently (always in the process will not succeed 'till heaven, then I wonder if we will) in the process of cleaning my spiritual life. So tomorrow I finish my room and all the maintenance and I am hitting the "BOOK" hard :).

Minute rain and touching friends :)

So today was a beautiful day outside.... bright, shiny, warm, birds are singing and it all is well :). Anyhow with all of this shiny weather as close as I could tell there was no rain at all in the air :).

So today at two o'clock I was about to take the trash out and then there was rain out of nowhere at all. I was like "huh typical Florida weather rain outta nowhere".

It has occurred to me today since then that people are like that rain outta nowhere... they just show up out of nowhere and they are there in your life for a minute of cool refreshing rain in the beauty of it all and making the time in your life so much better. Then a few seconds later they are gone forever not to be seen 'till the next life.

I guess what I am trying to say is that while we have what we have we need to enjoy it. Whenever someone jumps in your life try to make a friend of them, you never know when they will be gone. The parchedness of yourself your dry empty body needs the fellowship of one another whether you think you need it or not.

No fellowship = empty void :(

So as most of you guys know my car is broke down therefore a friend of mine drives me around ALOT, this friend is not a christian so I haven't been able to go to church lately.

So instead of going to church (cause I can't). I have been listening to online scripture through bible Gateway and also I have been listening to ALOT of music as most of you can tell by my status' and also my links to youtube. So although I am still getting the word in me and the praise music missing the fellowship is definitely the HARDEST thing :(. My heart misses my friends there, I am so lonely lately without them. I even miss the weirdos like John Michael.

On the outside of my body I look like a happy kid who has a life pays his own bills and is trying to make it but on the inside I am lonely for my friends lonely for my church I miss them so much I feel like crying. Now the worst part of it is that I am going to get a car next much so I still have one month of sticking it out :(, but God will provide :). I miss them guys so much.

Me not being there feels like a black hole inside of me that keeps growing and growing and consuming me. The longer I am in the hole the deeper it gets... no where to turn all around me is black. I need them so much :/. The longer I am away the more I long and thirst for fellowship I can't live without it. I need people.

This is one of the reasons I doubt people when they say "oh I am a christian" although I don't attend a fellowship. Without that brother and sisterly love that is at the "church" showing us the ways and teaching us the ways of Christ we can't really understand it all. I mean how am I supposed to show the love of Christ if I don't know what it is and can't see others expressing there love as well.

The reason I chose this name

So my given name when I was born is " Refugio-Gonzalez J Nunez Jr." a mouth full. I was Thurs. Oct. 24th 1991. with that name. When I was in foster care at Mrs. Connell's house (my last foster parent) I had three "best friends" One was Matthew Moore one was Ryan Korne and one was Jesse ..... ( I don't remember his last name :(.... ). Well on Dec. 20,2002 I got adopted and one of my bros. in the family I was getting adopted to already had the name Ryan.

Anyhow when my name was Refugio...... I got teased ALOT the name was funny and silly so I was the kid to get teased. So when I got adopted I had the oppurtunity to make my name WHATEVER I want mom and dad just wanted all of us (8 in total) kids to have one bible name in our name that is all they asked. So because I didn't like my name and Ryan was taken by my now bro. I chose Matthew Jesse in that order for two reasons. Reason one is it sounded way better than Jesse Matthew. Reason two Matthew was my greatest and closest friend at the time so of course I wanted to honor him by having his name first :).

So when I was officially Matthew Jesse Tyus I decided to use the name of Jesse for the two reasons as well. The first is that I liked the name better. The second reason being we had at least three other Matthews in the Church that I was attending at the time.... and the Church only had 50 members so I saw how it could've easily gotten confusing....

Things that keep me going :)

I am 19 y/o I work at a restaurant (and wants a new job). The things that keep me going are A future family, proving to the world that through God I can do all things, and #1 my faith.
In a few years i want to have a wife, kids, house, land these things have been my dream since I was 8 y/o things I have ALWAYS wanted. Things that have made me pure and waited ’till I get married.I want a wife who knows I will protect her or DIE trying through all the hardships in life. I want kids that when they are hurt they run up to me and say “Daddy I’m hurt will you fix my booboo”. I want a house that we can all live in safely and quietly and do God’s mission.
I grew up in a trashy disgusting home everything was less than good there. I want to show that world that I can change who I started out to be to who God wants me to be.From rags to “riches” (although I will never be rich just the fact that I will be better than started).
The #1 thing that keeps me going is my faith,without it I would be nothing. Nothing now nothing forever. With all the riches in the world without Christ as my savior I would be eternally alone and condemned. Jesus my best friend is the best thing that keeps this guy moving he is my king, my brother and my best friend .

Wishing the past was better but glad its not (weird title I know)

My past makes me who I am today... but every-time I think of it I know of a billion things that I could've done better.... I am not a failure I have fallen.... but I got back up time and again.... I will fall again I will get up every-time, I can't help to fall. I am a sinner.All the mistakes I've made they will/have-been molding me into the man that God wants me to be :). All those mistakes though they tear at my heart, people think we should just get over our past mistakes but I dis-agree! I think I should remember them for the rest of my life, therefore I will always strive to be the better man than that past. I can't help my past I can help my future.I WILL HELP MY FUTURE. I will not be the man of the past my past will help me build a stronger future but it still sucks having these memories :(

(if this note does not make sense tell me I will try to edit it to make better sense)

So I know it has been awhile since I have been on here <.< I never really got into it but I see more and more people doing it everyday so I thought I would give it another shot.

I am Jesse.

My life story in a nutshell is below :)

So I have been asked many times by old contacts from before adoption "what happened"."Why did you move?"."We hung out ALL the time why didn't you tell me you were leaving?". SO here it is in A VERY BASIC summary.
I was born on Oct.24,1991. I was born into an abusive home,with A drug-addict and alcoholic mom.She was not A good mom at all, she was ALWAYS leaving to go party and leaving us kids (8 in total) with our 75y/o grandma. Our house was ALWAYS A filthy disgusting MESS! We were always in trouble as kids skipping school, banging on peoples doors and running, just plain mean stuff.
I started my first day of school in Ponce de Leon Florida, on August.2,1997.From there at some point I went to for half A year (I think).Then back to Ponce de Leon for 1st through the middle of 3rd. In February of 2000 I was put in Vernon Elementary then I was put back in Bonifay sometime that year as well also 4th and 5th I was there. I was only there for the very first part of 5th though.Then from there I was in Grand-Ridge Elementary 'til the end of the first half of the yr. Then from then om I was Home-schooled (by the best mom EVER
On Feb.22,2000 all 8 of us kids were taken to foster care (the best thing that ever happened to us up to that point).From there I went to 3 foster homes my other sibling went to ALOT MORE.Anyhow we were in Foster care for almost 567 days. 2months and 2 days from 3yrs.Although from Memorials day 2002 'till Dec.20th (adoption day) I was in mom and dads house.
On memorials day 2002 an amazing couple Rodney and Kelley Tyus and their children Ryan and Kyndel Tyus let me and my siblings move in with them. Then Dec.20th 2002 they adopted us (the BEST thing that happened to us) from then on mom home-schooled all of us. They went put of their way to make sure that we were comfortable and happy and teach us about the Father God.
That is basically the conclusion of my life up-to now. I will add more in the future as it comes about. :)